The Irony of Parenting: How Roles in a Marriage Can Affect Your Children

A father wears the clothes but the wife is responsible for keeping them clean. A father eats the food but the wife is responsible for cooking it. Do you think your kids are blind to what is going on? You are raising them up in an environment where men are responsible for their actions up to a given level and from this point, women must bear the responsibility for another person’s actions.

Is it then a wonder why some kids blatantly refuse to do some chores or refuse to heed to instructions especially when instructed by their mother? Some kids will not even heed to instructions when their mother beats them but will quickly heed to the words of their father. Some may say that their father will use more force and this is why kids listen to their dads so quickly but I see it differently. These kids know that their father calls the shot because he is the only one who gets away with being irresponsible. This is why they take heed.

In the same way, everybody listens to our president because he is in charge, not the Kenyan people. This is clear because all corruption scandals or criminal charges leading to him soon die off. Criminals that are far more dangerous exist below him but they cannot get away with everything as he does. Similarly, the severity of father’s beatings is not the cause of obedience by kids but that he can get away with beating them regardless of severity is.

In other circumstances, kids will notice excessive irresponsible behavior in their father. In this case, their level of ‘stubbornness’ will increase exponentially and so will the beatings they suffer at the hands of both parents. As you can see, beating a child into submission is both destructive and hypocritical. Instead, you should look introspectively because children learn from us and do as we do. In this case, they learn how to be irresponsible from their father but it does not stop there.

Imagine the son of such a father meeting up with some girl. What will the son expect of this girl? Will he not expect a submissive, timid and ‘homely’ girl? What if this girl is independent and holds a lot of ambition. How will the son relate to such a woman? He will try but most likely, he will fail. He will not understand this woman’s ambition vis-à-vis her expected role as he understands it.

Unfortunately, she will always intrigue him because he does not fully understand that side of women. In truth, this has happened to so many men if only they would admit it. Eventually, he will go back to what he is used to i.e. the ‘traditional wife.’ What kind of marriage will that lead to when his interest lies in Ms. Ambition? Is it a wonder that so many men cheat on/leave their wives with/for a certain kind of woman?

Now imagine the daughter goes to college. She meets up with some dude, falls in love and starts doing what she saw her mother doing for the man she ‘loves.’ The dude loves it. His eats well, wears clean clothes and most likely, he enjoys some extra benefits of her love. She thinks that this is moving towards a marriage because that is what she saw happening in the marriage back home.

Life is disappointing, is it not? He uses her (some may even beat her and/or get her pregnant) and then dumps her for Ms. Ambition. The daughter ends up wasting her time. She was only trying to fit into a role she knew women should play. What kind of life do you expect her to have after that?

“What we do in life echoes in eternity” – Maximus (Russell Crowe) in Gladiator

Likewise, what roles we play at home will forever echo in the lives of our children even though we blind ourselves to these effects. This is my opinion. Please note that I am not married and I do not have kids. However, this does not mean that what I say is untrue. Observe and you will see.

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One thought on “The Irony of Parenting: How Roles in a Marriage Can Affect Your Children

  1. Pingback: The Polygamy Law in Kenya: Why Not? | The Truth

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