It’s a matter of truth that relationships to me are a scary thought. The fact that I could be responsible for someone’s pain, laughter, tears and joy is simply unnerving.
Such a responsibility is not something I am willing to bear. The heart is not a play-toy, it is not a psychological game of chance or wit, it is not a process open to unfettered manipulation. The heart bleeds, breaks, feels but most importantly it hurts.
These facts to date inform my decisions in such matters. The first condition for me to express any sort of practical emotion must not only be the infinitesimal possibility of her accepting my advances but the last and overriding condition is that; till now and for the foreseeable future, the probability of a relationship forming must not only be minimal but completely untenable! I run if it becomes tenable, I always have!
These conditions will hold until the proper time. Till a time when circumstances will dictate and not necessarily allow. This is probably a long time from now but it still is a time!
All this emotional chatter is simply a retrospective psycho-analysis of who I am. It is an open thought process. Nothing more, nothing less! It’s actually meant to change the dynamics and not have them stay static! Some may very well understand what it is I am trying to do, some may not. Nonetheless, these matters of the heart are as they are.
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