What Should Women Prioritize In A Marriage? Love or Trust?


“Wives should be subject to their husbands as to the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:22.

Love is unconditional. That means love exists independent of submission i.e. you do not have to submit to someone for you to love him. However, voluntary submission is impossible without a degree of trust in the person to whom you offer your submission. Moreover, submission is necessary because it creates order. Thus, a woman submits to her man as a means of creating order in her home. Similarly, humans submit to God as a way of bringing order into their lives.

Assume that I am right i.e. love does not come with conditions and the basis of voluntary submission is trust. That means women should seek a man they trust first before they look for one that they love. Why is that so?

Well, the Bible emphasizes that they should submit to their husbands. Can you submit to a person you do not trust? If you can submit to him, should you do so? Remember, the submission is not an end in itself. It is there to create order in the home. If a man beats you, but you still submit to him, then do you have order in your home? That means you are not achieving God’s objective of creating a stable environment for your children to grow.

If you are not fulfilling God’s plan, then why are you still in the marriage? Can you create stability for your child outside your home? If you can, then why are you not doing it? If you believe you cannot create order outside your home, then are you a Christian? Do Christians believe that anything is possible through God? If they do, then why persist in a disorderly marriage when the Christian God is a God of order?

God does not accept divorce some would say. That is true. He does not accept it. However, staying away from your partner does not constitute a divorce, does it? Remember, a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. If a man cheats on you or beats you, does he love you? Are such acts against you patient or kind? Yet Paul says that love is always patient and kind. Note the use of the word ‘always.’ If the Bible says your husband should love you, but he does not love you, then are you in a valid marriage?

Let me get back to why love should be a woman’s secondary consideration when seeking a man. You can love a criminal, but you cannot trust him. You can trust an unknown stranger yet you do not love him. Therefore, love and trust are not completely different concepts. Since voluntary submission is a function of trust, then women should focus on a man they would trust when it comes to creating a suitable environment for raising their children. If she loves that man, then that is a bonus. If she does not, then she will fall in love with the order the man creates and not necessarily the man who created it.

Disclaimer: Order in the home is not a function of material possessions i.e. order is not dependent on wealth.

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